Post by kaitlin on Dec 11, 2011 4:47:49 GMT 1
BLAHBLAH BLAHBLAH BLAHBLAH,
come bathe in my wine for a while !
seventeen; maddy, madds; slytherin;eccentric
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come bathe in my wine for a while !
seventeen; maddy, madds; slytherin;eccentric
** * * * * * *
“I don’t like going into my life. No one listens and I am ok with that. Why should I have to explain myself to anyone? No one understands with me because no one is me. So don’t try and sympathize. I am screwed up. I know it; you don’t have to tell me. If you do, you better watch yourself because you never know what is coming.”
Fucked up doesn’t even describe it. Maddy isn't your typical seventeen year old. She was born into a family of a woman who was only 17, and a man who was 10 years her mother's senior. She grew up in an abusive, muggle household, where when she saw more than any child should ever see. Her parents … loved at first, by her dad at least. When it came to Maddison, she was his world. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for her, and Maddison loved him for that. Her mom was a different story. She was an alcoholic, drug addicted bitch. To this day Maddison blames that piece of scum for her father’s death. It was her fault, and she would never let that feeling die. Things were always bad for her, there was not a time when her mother was drunk that she didn’t come into the bedroom and blame the small child for ruining her. She blamed maddy for ruining her figure, her childhood, everything. Maddy didn’t understand at the time, because well she was young, she knew nothing about her mother’s teen pregnancy, and how after she was born she fell into a pit of post pardon depression. Something she was never to crawl out of and she made sure that Maddy knew that. Being hit around from a young age made things for her a little… sketchy. She was a quiet child who didn’t say much, but she had a lot she wanted to say. She just didn’t feel safe enough to say it. That was however until she received her letter of acceptance into Hogwarts. Her first safe haven.
Being accepted was not only the best thing that happened to her, but the worst. Her father was so proud of her; there was nothing that he didn’t find her spectacular for. Her mother however thought she was a freak. A freak that didn’t deserve to live, or let alone go to this school. Her mother decided to lock her up and to try and keep her from going, but when she was knocked out from her wild turkey and oxycontin regiment for the night her dad went in, took maddy out and they left. He made sure that she had everything she needed, and gave her one last hug before she took off into the stone wall in between platform 9 and 10, taking off on her next adventure in life. It was easy to say that she was scared. She was terrified; she was a broken little girl who had always thought she wasn’t worthy. She had that feeling all the way up until fitting, when she didn’t expect what was coming. Slytherin. She at the time didn’t see what was so magnificent about it, but wellbeing a muggle born, some did not see her fit to being in there, but she soon learned to stand up for herself. She stood up and she made herself worthy. She might have been from muggle parents, muggle abusive parents at that, but she was just as good as anyone else in this school. Madds soon found out that she excelled in dueling… potions, and anything that could be used defensively, and she definitely had her reasons behind it.
“Confidence is key, why should i ever care what other people say about me? Wait. I don’t. Ha! Let them think i am crazy; let them think i am a bitch. I am, and if they aren't careful I’ll show them just how much of a crazy bitch i am...”
As each year at Hogwarts went by, and she slowly grew more confident in herself. Her mother did not mess with her, as much. She knew the rules as well, so she knew that maddy couldn’t use magic outside of school, even though maddy was tempted a number of times. She was certain that life would get better once she became legal age, but things all crashed down on her at the tender age of 13 she saw her own dad murdered over drugs he wasn't even taking. Come to find out her mother had stolen them when she had ran out of her normal oxycontin. It was a horrible site and she could remember every little detail. The way that his blood pulled around her feet, to the man just dropping the knife and running off. That was a start to the transformation with in her. After her father’s death, her mother only grew crueler to the blue eyed girl. She started beating her more and more, telling her how it was her fault, seeing as she let the man in who murdered her father. Things for maddy just were never good. It didn't take long for her to attempt to poison her daughter, telling her that she was getting back for bringing an abomination into this world. The poison however did not kill Madison; it just killed her sanity... which led to her mental break. Things from that point where not the same. She was a different person. You couldn't take her seriously because she had a tendency to talk a little oddly. Life was good in her eyes because she saw no bad. Even her mother was not a threat to her, but she did have tendencies to just randomly burst out cruel thoughts about random people. She was well... in lesser sense, crazy.
People at school saw this definite change in her, and some welcomed it, and some pushed it away. Maddy didn’t care .she was happy with who she was, and when she was finally out of the place, she had something she had to take care. If there was a feeling deep down in her stomach that she would never be the same again. Coming back in her fourth year as this new person, she lost a lot of her friends, but she gained some more because there was a new side to her. There was a new side to Maddison and she didn’t mind it. Her fourth year was a year of just learning who she was, learning what she liked and what she didn’t like with this new life she was pursuing. She was her usual self, but in an unusual way. She was still brilliant in class, but well… outside of class she kind of scared first years, and the older kids thought she was about the oddest thing there was. But did Madds care? No. not one bit. She just laughed and kicked back running around like there was not a care in the world, because there wasn’t not to her. She had nothing to look forward to in life… wait… that’s a lie. She had one thing to look forward to. Becoming the legal age to use magic outside of school. That would be one thing she would look forward up until it was the day that it actually happened.
“Not a lot happened in my lesser years. People started thinking I was weirder and weirder, but who cares? I still don’t... I never will. Like is aid before they could just get over it. If it ever starts bothering me you’ll be the first to know… oh wait it never will so scratch that. It’s my seventh year now. All I know about myself is well… I like drinking. I like screwing… I like doing things many wouldn’t find movement in. but that’s me. I’ll always be me. Always. Its one thing I’ll never lose. So you know what that means? Eh? You’re stuck with me –laughs-”
Each year went by the same as the last. Just within each she became more and more herself. Her mother didn’t change her ways. She only grew worse, which meant Madds started coming back to school worse and worse off. It wasn’t until her late fifth year when she started sleeping around. She couldn’t tell you who all she has been with since then. She doesn’t consider herself a whore though, because she is doing what she wants because it makes her happy. There is a difference in her eyes. It isn’t like she has a boyfriend. No because love is something that she has never understood and doubts she ever will. No one has been able to love her in her life, and she blames her mother for that one as well. Hell there isn’t much she doesn’t blame her mother for, shocking right? After the sex, alcohol was next. She loved drinking, she loved the numb feeling it gave you. The feeling that in that moment nothing else mattered, but once she was sobered up things came crashing back down. This brought her to muggle drugs… one thing that kept her numb for longer and longer. She liked those a lot… she would admit it… but now, there is only one more thing that she is looking forward to in her future more than the next high. Maddison could only wait for the day she graduated and went home for the final time… the final time where she would end things for good. Just this graduating year couldn’t come soon enough in her eyes. Just a few more months’ right? Just a few…
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HELLO, MY NAME IS KAITLIN AND I'M A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL .
I LOVE YOUR SITE. I FOUND IT THROUGH A LITTLE BIRDY TOLD ME . YOU
MAY KNOW ME AS NONE YET. YOU CAN CONTACT ME
AT PM ME FOR AIM/MSN. HERE'S MY ROLEPLAY SAMPLE! MUCH LOVE FROM ME!
HELLO, MY NAME IS KAITLIN AND I'M A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL .
I LOVE YOUR SITE. I FOUND IT THROUGH A LITTLE BIRDY TOLD ME . YOU
MAY KNOW ME AS NONE YET. YOU CAN CONTACT ME
AT PM ME FOR AIM/MSN. HERE'S MY ROLEPLAY SAMPLE! MUCH LOVE FROM ME!
Forever wouldn’t be long enough to fix the scars that lied so deep beneath the surface of her skin. Nothing would ever be able to penetrate that deep within her, noting until marc came along. He was something different, like her, he had been hurt so much in his childhood that he was forever scared. She was certain that his broken half fit just right against hers. When she was with him everything was going to be ok and she knew that. She knew that she wouldn’t be alone her entire life because she had someone who was like her, and who loved her for who she was. It was as simple as that. She had him, she would always have him… and she never wanted to lose him. If she ever did, she knew it would be the end of who she was. The end of what she had become the end of her life as she knew it.
There was no doubt that she was completely bad to marc at times, but all in the end she knew she could fix him. That was her leverage. She could fix him. Maddison could always fix him. She would always be able to put the pieces back together, what if she couldn’t though? She remembers the scars on his body like they were on her own. She had felt the so many times, just tracing her fingers over them listening as he explained each and every one of them to her. She listened so closely, even in her broken state of mind she could tell that he was broken deeper than she might even be. The only different is they broke in opposite directions. He to one polar ends her to the other. That’s how the fell, and like magnets they would always be pulled back together. No asylum, no number of guards, nothing but death would fully keep them apart. Even in death she was sure she would find him wherever they went, and even there they would be together. That as how much faith she had in him. In them.
The doctors had tried peering inside of her head; they tried breaking down her walls. It was not the prettiest things for them to do. They would poke around asking her about every little thing in her life. They took her back to the first birthday she had, up to the moment she saw her father sliced open by that doped up drug dealer. They picked at her brain like it was an open buffet. This only caused her to close off more. She did not want anyone in her head, she didn’t need their help. She didn’t need to know their opinions on things. She only needed to know what she knew. Maddison knew what her life was like, no matter how much the doctors picked around they would never be able to fix her. Not in the way Marc had. Even though they were always doped up on who knows what, they were always drunk… they argued so much, but… marc fixed her in ways that she had thought she was permanently broken. He caused her to care for someone other than herself again. He brought a smile to her face that wasn’t from doing things against the law. The man could light up her eyes; he was her only fix… as long as she had him she could stay sane.
This free time they were allowing her to have; she believed it must be some sort of experiment. She knew that marc had been better since the two of them had seen each other the past few times. She could tell because there was no new cut marks on his arms. She knew because he stood up for her. He was the one to stand up and defend her, like a boyfriend should do. The separation might have done him some good along with the bad, but she knew that he had to miss her just as much as she missed him. If he didn’t, she would gladly admit her defeat, she could only hope that he missed her as much as she missed him. She had never felt this giddy over being able to see him. She had never felt so happy just to be able to touch him, she honestly couldn’t remember the last time her eyes lit up like they were doing. She was in a place where she was ok being. If marc was going to be there, she was going to be happy about it. She had no other feelings about it.
The sensation she got just from touching him made her smile grow on her face, there was nothing better than this right now. That was until his hand was on her jaw and her eyes locked on his dark ones, this was all she needed. She just smiled at the man and nodded as he rested his forehead against hers. Her smaller hand gripped onto his shirt lightly as she just breathed in his scent. … everyday… she whispered lightly opening her eyes and looking at him again, for the brief second she just lost everything bad that was in her life… and for once she was vulnerable. He could be the one to tear her down right now and she knew this. Her happiness was in his hands, and if he took it and threw it on the ground... she would be forever broken. With that innocent look in her eyes she closed them slowly closing the gap in between their lips for the moment. She didn’t try shoving her tongue down his mouth, she didn’t try anything. It was just simple. It was sweet. It loved. It was everything that their kisses hadn’t been in the past, and she loved it. Pulling back after a moment she let her hand find his other one gripping onto it’s her blue eyes met his once more. I’m sorry… for… everything I’ve ever done to you… just… don’t ever leave me… ok? Don’t leave me… I love you…. I love you too much marc... her voice was soft… but she had finally broken down. Her walls were gone for once, and he could do with it as he wanted… she as completely his.
There was no doubt that she was completely bad to marc at times, but all in the end she knew she could fix him. That was her leverage. She could fix him. Maddison could always fix him. She would always be able to put the pieces back together, what if she couldn’t though? She remembers the scars on his body like they were on her own. She had felt the so many times, just tracing her fingers over them listening as he explained each and every one of them to her. She listened so closely, even in her broken state of mind she could tell that he was broken deeper than she might even be. The only different is they broke in opposite directions. He to one polar ends her to the other. That’s how the fell, and like magnets they would always be pulled back together. No asylum, no number of guards, nothing but death would fully keep them apart. Even in death she was sure she would find him wherever they went, and even there they would be together. That as how much faith she had in him. In them.
The doctors had tried peering inside of her head; they tried breaking down her walls. It was not the prettiest things for them to do. They would poke around asking her about every little thing in her life. They took her back to the first birthday she had, up to the moment she saw her father sliced open by that doped up drug dealer. They picked at her brain like it was an open buffet. This only caused her to close off more. She did not want anyone in her head, she didn’t need their help. She didn’t need to know their opinions on things. She only needed to know what she knew. Maddison knew what her life was like, no matter how much the doctors picked around they would never be able to fix her. Not in the way Marc had. Even though they were always doped up on who knows what, they were always drunk… they argued so much, but… marc fixed her in ways that she had thought she was permanently broken. He caused her to care for someone other than herself again. He brought a smile to her face that wasn’t from doing things against the law. The man could light up her eyes; he was her only fix… as long as she had him she could stay sane.
This free time they were allowing her to have; she believed it must be some sort of experiment. She knew that marc had been better since the two of them had seen each other the past few times. She could tell because there was no new cut marks on his arms. She knew because he stood up for her. He was the one to stand up and defend her, like a boyfriend should do. The separation might have done him some good along with the bad, but she knew that he had to miss her just as much as she missed him. If he didn’t, she would gladly admit her defeat, she could only hope that he missed her as much as she missed him. She had never felt this giddy over being able to see him. She had never felt so happy just to be able to touch him, she honestly couldn’t remember the last time her eyes lit up like they were doing. She was in a place where she was ok being. If marc was going to be there, she was going to be happy about it. She had no other feelings about it.
The sensation she got just from touching him made her smile grow on her face, there was nothing better than this right now. That was until his hand was on her jaw and her eyes locked on his dark ones, this was all she needed. She just smiled at the man and nodded as he rested his forehead against hers. Her smaller hand gripped onto his shirt lightly as she just breathed in his scent. … everyday… she whispered lightly opening her eyes and looking at him again, for the brief second she just lost everything bad that was in her life… and for once she was vulnerable. He could be the one to tear her down right now and she knew this. Her happiness was in his hands, and if he took it and threw it on the ground... she would be forever broken. With that innocent look in her eyes she closed them slowly closing the gap in between their lips for the moment. She didn’t try shoving her tongue down his mouth, she didn’t try anything. It was just simple. It was sweet. It loved. It was everything that their kisses hadn’t been in the past, and she loved it. Pulling back after a moment she let her hand find his other one gripping onto it’s her blue eyes met his once more. I’m sorry… for… everything I’ve ever done to you… just… don’t ever leave me… ok? Don’t leave me… I love you…. I love you too much marc... her voice was soft… but she had finally broken down. Her walls were gone for once, and he could do with it as he wanted… she as completely his.
HEY-O. HOLD THE PHONE, WE GOTTA GIVE UP SOME STREET CRED.
SO THIS SIMPLE APPLICATION WAS CODED BY MANDA, AKA THAT
LOVE IN C MAJOR ! CHICK ON THAT CAUTION WEBSITE.
I THINK SHE'D TOTALLY APPRECIATE IT IF WE LEFT THIS CREDIT
ON HERE. OR ELSE SHE MIGHT SEND SOMETHING AFTER US. I DO
N'T WANT TO BE CAUGHT TAKING THIS FROM HER, SO I THINK I
WILL LEAVE IT ON HERE AND NOT TAKE IT OFF LIKE A SMART KID.
SO THIS SIMPLE APPLICATION WAS CODED BY MANDA, AKA THAT
LOVE IN C MAJOR ! CHICK ON THAT CAUTION WEBSITE.
I THINK SHE'D TOTALLY APPRECIATE IT IF WE LEFT THIS CREDIT
ON HERE. OR ELSE SHE MIGHT SEND SOMETHING AFTER US. I DO
N'T WANT TO BE CAUGHT TAKING THIS FROM HER, SO I THINK I
WILL LEAVE IT ON HERE AND NOT TAKE IT OFF LIKE A SMART KID.